|Q.) Salaam. Since June 2004, after my aunt
passed away I have felt really down, thinking about life and how I wish
I was not here. I know this is wrong and insha-Allah I hope Allah can
forgive me for thinking this, but it's the mind that says all the
negative things. I also feel I am a bad person, as sometimes if it is
salat time and I am tired, I will say "I will pray tomorrow".
I was masha-Allah a very healthy person, but since June 2004,
I have been off work more than three and a half months because I feel
tired, very weak, and nauseated. I always think negative about
everything. When I am happy, my mind will then be saying "Why are you
happy?" or when I make du'a after my salat, my mind says "You're still
ill, you will never get better, so there's no point making du'a to
Allah to make you better." Why do I feel this. I want to be happy,
active, full of energy, and motivated. I am so weak that I feel dizzy
when I do wudu and I pray sitting down because I feel dizzy and my
vision goes blurry. I am so happy I am a Muslim. I want to be a good
Muslim insha-Allah and do my duty on this earth which is to obey Allah.
I even have a friend who reverted to Islam and I wanted to teach her
more about it. I just don't have the strength to help her. The reason I
am still going on is because I feel that it is a big sin to commit
suicide and to wish death upon yourself and I think of Allah, that's
what stops me. But I really need your help. I have had help from all
different doctors and specialists and they said physically my insides
are fine...it's just my mental thinking. I want something to pray, some
kind of du'a to pray? I want to have good health insha-Allah, so that I
can do all the things I want to do...like pray five times a day. If I
don't have the health, how can I? I cry myself to sleep thinking and
praying that I hope I wake up well in the morning. I have even had a
couple of job offers come through, but because of me feeling weak (no
energy), and dizzy and sick I cannot get up in the morning. I want full
strength in everything I do, and I want to say to all people out there
to thank Allah for giving you health, because if you have none of that,
you won't have nothing...meaning you can't pray, you can't work.
Can you please, please, please help. Give me du'a for my
depression and a du'a that will give me strength and will power and
energy. Something that will take negative things out of my head. I get
scared when people pass away too. This really puts me down.
Can you please insha-Allah email me back, with your reply. I
really pray you can help me. Thanks so much. Wassalam.