My Family Expects 'Yes.' I Want to Say No

By Mufti Muhammad Kadwa
Posted: 29 Zul-Qa'dah 1423, 1 February 2003


Q.) Please can you tell me what should I do in this situation. There's a proposal for me, which is good in every aspect, he's earning good, he's religious too plus all of my family and other people related are agreed upon it too.

I also know what Islam say's in this regard too ...... that for marriage one should see the religion and the character of the person.

But the problem with me is that i just don't know why ...... even after trying very hard I am unable to accept or see him as my husband. My reasons are solely physical. What I mean to say is that when I look at him, he seems to me like a very elderly person whom I may call uncle out of respect.

I am so confused I don't know what to do ......... my family wants an answer from me and they expect a "YES." I can say yes .......... only for them but with my tongue not with my heart. And all the time my heart is in too much pain. [A sister]

A.) Marriage is a lifetime commitment. You don't have to accept the proposal merely to please others or due to external pressure. Islam has given you all the right to make your decision in choosing your life-partner. If you are not pleased with the proposal, refuse politely but firmly.

We suggest you think again, apart from the 'physical' features which don't appeal to you, focus on his good traits, etc. Ultimately, it's your decision.

And Allah Ta'ala Knows Best